Sunday, January 10, 2016

The Posts I'd Like To See Fewer of in 2016

Your misanthropy:  Every day I find out just how intelligent and sweet and patient and wonderful my Facebook friends are.  In fact, they are such wonderful people that everyone around them is stupid, rude, and flat-out toxic.  The unfortunate people who can't meet the high standards of my obviously superior friends deserve to be slapped, beaten up, punched in the throat, cut (not sure where they are said to be cut), or even killed.  Isn't it amazing that you are so great, and yet you manage to put up with all of these horrible people every day?

Yeah right.

Making Excuses for Bad Behavior -  If you constantly brag that you are a "bitch" or an "asshole" your friends may start to believe you.When you post stuff about how you know you're not a nice person, what I hear is, "I am making excuses for my lack of ability to show respect or human decency by 'warning' you that this is just the kind of person I am."  In fact, posts like this often shift the blame to others by making statements like, "I'm only a bitch because you're stupid."  You can't control others' behavior, but you can change how you react to it.  Try showing patience, tolerance, kindness, and respect, or at the very least, figure out how to ignore them.  You don't need to tell off everyone who disagrees with you.

Your Love of Curse Words - I'm sorry, but I will never accept that your tendency to drop f-bombs makes you special.  I'm sick of hearing you brag about your potty mouth.  Yes, I know there was some study that supposedly "proves" that it's a sign of your intelligence, but there are studies out there that "prove" just about anything.  Like most studies that tell people what they want to hear, it was highly publicized and the conclusions were way too simplified by social media.  You didn't invent the word fuck.  You didn't invent the word shit.  You didn't invent the word asshole.  Those words are neither inventive nor particularly nuanced.  Everyone uses them every day.  Peppering your language with curse words doesn't make you sound edgy and dangerous.  Honestly the way some people scatter the word "fucking" in front of every phrase I'm not reminded of some cool, freaky, hipsters.  It sounds more like teenage girls who needs to use "like" and "you know" before every phrase.  Curse words for many folks are just a habit - a vocal crutch.
 
The English language is so nuanced and filled with with all kinds descriptive words that can so much more impact that curse words.  Good writers will tell you never to use "very" as a descriptor but instead use strong words that stand alone by themselves.  I think in the same vein, if you want your words to have power, avoid using the word, "fucking".  Instead of "fucking good" say delicious, delightful, powerful, fabulous, stupendous, momentous.  Instead of saying, "fucking bad" say devastating, tragic, distasteful.  I'm more impressed with a brilliant vocabulary than I am with hearing the word fuck for the 800th time today.

If you're going to finish this and say, "If you don't like my cursing, fuck you!" then you missed the point.  I'm not offended.  I don't take it personally (and I am sure some people wish I did).  I just don't think it's anything to brag about, and your bragging is tiresome.

Your Obsession with Coffee:  So you're addicted to a neurostimulant.  Well aren't you just the most unique human on earth!  There is a list floating around the internet about American quirks foreigners find perplexing.   Number 35 is "obsession with coffee".  In Europe coffee is a common breakfast beverage.  One might linger over a coffee socially.  That's where it starts and ends.  Foreigners don't treat it like it's some kind of life-giving substance.

Is the United States really the planet of Arrakis?  Is coffee really melange and once you start using it, you need to keep using it to survive?  One would think after seeing 6 coffee-related memes a day.

If you need a stimulant drug to get through you day, I think it's time to re-examine your lifestyle.  I would suggest finding ways to get more sleep, adopting better nutrition habits, and exercising daily.  It's amazing how much energy your body has naturally when you treat it right.

Your Obsession with Alcohol:  This doesn't annoy me as much as it frightens me.  Alcoholism is a major cause in the rise of the death rate among middle-aged men.  Alcoholism is also on the rise with women in my age group.  I know some of this stuff is posted in jest.  Even I admit to making the occasional, "I need a drink," post.  I just wonder if the joke ever stops.  How much do you "need" that wine?  Do you really think your stress and worries can be cured with a cocktail?

I know you could only be joking, but I worry that you're not joking.  Please take care of yourself  and don't see alcohol as a golden panacea for your problems or the only route to an enjoyable time.  I care too much about you.

Saying you don't care about how people react to your posts:  You don't care if you offended anyone?  You don't care if you hurt anyone's feelings?  "Suck it up Buttercup?"  Just remember, others may stop caring about your feelings too.  How much are you able to suck it up?

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