Random Thoughts #40

I'm tired of comedians whining about how they're being "canceled" (cancel culture is a myth) when they say stuff  they believe is politically incorrect and nobody laughs. Sorry comics, but the reason nobody is laughing is because your joke isn't funny. A Boomer yelling at clouds because kids are always on their phones is a cliché not a joke. Making incomprehensible analogies isn't funny either.

If you don't understand how the cultural zeitgeist shapes our humor, you have no business in comedy. Think of it this way. A hundred or so years ago The Keystone Cops were considered the height of hilarity. What could be funnier than a bunch of bumbling, incompetent police officers? The incompetent-cop-as-humor continued through the middle of the 20th century. Now the police are sacred cows. Nobody would dare make fun of policemen as a form of lowbrow humor and cheap laughs. Humor isn't static in our culture. If you can’t read the room, try another line of work.

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One of the worst places on your body to have a tattoo is the underside of your upper arm. Every time I see a tattoo like that peeking out from under someone's shirt sleeve I think, "Wow. That person has some epic armpit hair," before my eyes adjust and I see what all that dark coloration under the arm actually is.

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I know many of my friends hate them, but I find such peace on  hot summer days. Normal people stay inside and out of the sun, and that's when I like to take a walk and enjoy the quiet empty streets. Because of the heat I am forced to walk in an unhurried fashion. I can take everything in. I listen for sounds I would not normally hear when throngs of humanity are out and about. The warmth of the sun relaxes my muscles so I feel at ease. The brightness of the sun and the blue of the sky are optimistic and cheerful. The heat turns ordinary actions like drinking a cool glass of water into a simple pleasure. I'll enjoy it while it lasts (but don't forget the sunscreen).

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Why is it I can't stand it when people refer to dogs as "doggos"? I don't mind the more infantile "doggie", but "doggo" makes me want to say I am 100% a cat person. No reason for it. I simply find the word irritating.

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Schoolhouse Rock tackled so many aspects of the English language. We learned about nouns, verbs, pronouns (that song was my favorite), adjectives, conjunctions, interjections. Why did they never cover the great onomatopoeia? What an amazing challenge that would be for the songwriters!

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The Heritage Foundation is making a huge blooper with Project 2025 and I think it's going to come back and bite Republicans in the butt. Consider this. The plan is to fire government employees who aren't properly loyal to the cause and replace them with sycophants. This sounds great on paper, but they left something out. The loyalists are probably employed right now and they will be employed in their new government positions once Project 2025 is put into place. On the other hand, the 50,000 current government employees who are kicked off the payrolls will be unemployed.

In other words, the unemployment rate will skyrocket if Project 2025 happens. Do you know how that will make the next Republican administration look if all these people are unemployed? 

Maybe the goal is to force them to take the jobs all these illegal immigrants won't be able to do anymore after they have been deported or denied asylum at the border. The statisticians and actuaries will pick fruit and vegetables on the farms. The legal professionals will work in the wineries. The IT professionals will work in the meat processing plants. The scientists and engineers will work in the construction industry. The administrative support staff will be on the hotel and office building cleaning staff. The law enforcement specialists will be working for the landscapers or work as dishwashers and line cooks in restaurants.

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I don't watch The Olympics, but while I was out to dinner the other night, the TV over the bar was showing the platform diving competition and I was drawn to it. The top contenders for the night were from China, Japan, and Mexico. I noticed I didn't see the US in the top standings. I thought that was odd. Wealthy, developed countries like the US tend to clean up the medals in most sport. The US was not even in the top five.

Then I realized something. This is probably because nobody dives in the US anymore. When was the last time you went to a pool or other body of water where you were allowed to dive - even if the pool has a significant deep end? Diving boards were removed from the pools I swam in as a child. I'm talking about removing ordinary low board and not high dives. I haven't seen a high dive in years. The last time I dove into a swimming pool was when I was still single and living in the basement apartment of a house with a backyard pool.

If you live in the US and want to train to compete was a competitive diver, you have to live either near a college with a diving team that offers lessons to the public in its pool, or you have to live near a fancy diving club - and be able to afford it because those clubs need to charge a fortune to pay for the insurance. I think that limits a good chunk of the population. Competitive diving may be a lost art in this country.