An Article of Clothing That Needs To Come Back Into Fashion

Ladies, I think it's time we start returning the muff to our winter wardrobes.

(Please stop snickering and remove your mind from the gutter.  I'm talking about the warm, portable sleeve you carry around to keep your hands warm on cold days.)

Of the many things I hate about winter, having cold hands and feet tops the list.  Cold extremities aren't just uncomfortable.  They're painful and potentially dangerous. 

I have never found a functional pair of gloves that keeps my hands warm on frigid days.  If the gloves or mittens are thick and insulated enough, then they are useless for performing any fine motor skills.  If you have a muff, you hang it from your neck or wrist and comfortably nest your hands together in warm plush.  If you need your hands, you just slide them out.  The whole idea seems so easy, so practical, and so warm, I can't understand how muffs ever went out of style.

I have always loved muffs ever since I was a kid.  I don't know what it is about them.  I guess their Dickensian flare seemed so classy.  Muffs just conjured images of elegantly dressed women in horse-drawn sleighs heading to Christmas parties that look like the opening scene of The Nutcracker.

When I was a kid my grandmother's friend made me a muff.  I loved it, but never used it much.  Just because I liked it didn't mean I could dare wear it to school.  I went to school with a bunch of mean, cruel, horrible evil children who would have found a reason to make fun of my mittens.  I didn't dare face the wrath that would be directed at me for wearing a muff to school.  

In this frigid winter, where having cold hands is a daily and inescapable discomfort, I wish I still had that muff.  Sure the people I work with are likely to make snarky comments and think I'm weird.  I'm just older and wiser now and past the point of caring what people think.

You can find muffs for sale.  They seem to mostly cater to brides and wedding parties who are aiming for some kind of Victorian theme.  Brides don't spend much time outside in the winter.  If it's cold enough to need a muff, you aren't having an outdoor wedding and are going inside as soon as the photos are finished.  Why should the brides have all of the fun while the rest of us have cold hands?

I have also seen some muffs that are very utilitarian looking.  They have pockets to store additional hand warmers along with a plain sleeve.  I suppose if I wanted a muff, but didn't want to look ostentatious about it, I could go that route.  

Regardless of what's out there, it's all online.  You have to go to specialty websites or Amazon to find a muff.  You can't just walk into a clothing store and buy one. Once you do buy one, you might have to endure some funny looks.

So if you're with me, raise your cold hand.  Cold women of the world, let's unite and demand that muffs become universally available and universally accepted.  Our hands will be so warm that the men will want to join us too.