The Return to the Stage

In December 2019, I had the opportunity to audition for the Harrison Players production of Priscilla Queen of the Desert.  I decided not to audition.  I had finished the Bedford Community Theater’s production of The Addams Family a month earlier, and I didn’t have the energy to audition for another musical.  Besides, I didn’t see myself in Priscilla.  It didn’t seem like a good fit for me.  It seemed like a show for younger actors.  I also wasn’t sure if my voice and general vocal repertoire was a good match for the music in the play.  

There are other theater groups in the area.  I was sure I could find something to audition for in the spring (although auditioning outside of Harrison has brought more failures than successes in recent years). Well, we all know what happened in the spring of 2020.  Theater was out of the question for everyone. 

I missed it.  I missed performing. Some people get into performing because they are painfully shy and being on stage is the only way they can express themselves.  I am not one of those people.  I do it for the ultimate expression.  I do it for the applause, the attention, the spotlight.  I suppose it’s a bit narcissistic, but it’s the truth.  I wanted to find any way I could to still perform.

For example, I thought about getting a Tiktok account and working on some new songs and singing some karaoke numbers online.  It would keep my voice in shape as well.  I thought I would have all the time in the world to do that in lockdown, but I never felt motivated.  Singing on Tick Tock isn’t the same thing as singing for a live audience, so I gave up on that idea (letting my singing voice go to unused and weak).  

I hooked up with a theater group that was doing audio dramas online.  I had to record my part in isolation and my lines were spliced together with all the other actors.  The producers did a good job of putting the play together, but it lacked the joy of interacting with other actors.  

That is the other reason why I love theater.  I love having a place to go and something to get me out of the house.  I love rehearsals and being with other actors.  Acting isn't only about saying lines.  It's about the way we interact with each other on stage.  We don't only exchange lines.  We exchange emotions and energy.  

When the Harrison Players announced they were going to recast Priscilla Queen of the Desert for the spring of 2022, I knew I couldn’t miss the chance to be on stage again.  I lost worries of it not being a good fit for me.  I thought I had a chance of at least getting a spot in the chorus.  I would do anything to be with a cast and in front of an audience again.  I decided to lay it on the line and audition.  

I even decided to reconsider if there might be a part for me.  Kevin and I watched the movie before going to the audition.  He thought he might be suitable for the role of the Outback mechanic.  We both observed the mechanic's wife spoke with my outspoken enthusiasm and desire to brag about her own abilities and it seemed in line with my personality.  It wasn't long before I learned her character was a stripper with a alcohol problem who was a bit too eager to get back on the pole.  She gets drunk and puts on her act in a later scene.  (It involves ping pong balls. I shan't elaborate.)  I decided the role of the frumpy, world-weary, sloppy Outback bartender was more my speed.  

I went to the audition armed with a piece of sheet music from one of the songs in the show.  The music director said she would use her version from the show.  It was in a completely different key.  I can hit the high notes, but they sound much better when I am singing regularly (I should have been doing that singing practice during lockdown after all).  The bartender song was at the lowest end of my range.  I wasn't sure if I was showing how good my range was or how poor it was.

Normally it takes several days for a show to be cast, but this one took at least two weeks.  I was waiting so long, I was sure I wasn't cast at all.  I thought I could be in the ensemble, but perhaps I was right all along.  The play was not a good fit for me.  I was resigned to the idea that I would have to find another play this spring.

Then the call came.  Kevin and I were both cast.  He was playing the mechanic and I was playing the stripper.  

I'm 51 years old and a good twenty pounds overweight.  How was I supposed to manage that?  Besides, the stripper is a completely different ethnicity from me.  

I stopped eating dessert, doubled down on my workouts, memorized a speech full of foreign insults, and did my best.

Over the past few months I had to relearn all the lifestyle adjustments I need to make when I am in a play.  That means having the discipline to work on lines and music in my spare time instead of watching TV or playing online or reading.  That means finding a way to have dinner on the table quickly on rehearsal nights.  That means getting used to later bedtimes and less sleep.  

We didn’t have a keyboard at home.  This is how we had to practice music.

The show was filled with the usual stresses.  When it comes to community theater, the same issues flare up in every play.  There were always absent cast members at rehearsals, making it difficult to properly block a scene.  Directors' tempers ran short.  Cast member's tempers ran short.  There were injuries and illnesses.  In the cast of this show, a major cast member had to be replaced with a month to go until performance time.  As usual cast members forgot music, lines, and blocking.  I forgot music, lines, and blocking.  Sometimes I felt stressed out  I am not learning things fast enough and I will be awkward on stage or miss something important.  That fear of the show being a disaster, being mediocre, never goes away for any show.  The stresses for Priscilla were no different from any other play I have ever been in.  They are a tale as old as theater itself.

It comes together.  It always does.  Theater people always find a way to make it work.  We had our final dress rehearsal with a small audience from the Harrison Senior Citizens.  They loved it.  They laughed at everything and gave us a standing ovation.  

Opening night is tonight.  It's still scary.  It's still stressful.  I could make mistakes.  Other cast members could make mistakes.  We could have tech and costume malfunctions.  Anything can happen in live theater.

I wouldn't miss it for the world though.  I have been away from the stage for too long and it feels amazing to be back.  Applause is a drug and I will always chase the high.