Shipwrecked & Comatose

Many years ago, around this time of the year between Christmas and New Year's Day, I was regularly attending a yoga class at my gym.  Several of the members of the class were complaining about how crowded the gym was going to be in the coming weeks as new members would be signing on for their new year's resolutions. My teacher piped in, "The gym is going to be filled with obnoxious fat people."  This teacher usually came across as your typical new-agey spiritual yoga guru who encouraged a non-judgmental attitude in class.  She continued with even more ire.  "I just want to tell them, 'Just give up.  Give up. It's not going to work.'"  This yoga teacher would talk the talk, but she couldn't walk the walk.  How different was she from the rest of us?  How many of us long-time gym rats complain about how crowded the gym becomes in January due to the number of people making exercise resolutions they probably won't keep? I admit the annoyan

I apologize for the lack of progress posts in the past few weeks.  I haven't had much reason to post.  Things are pretty much on an even keel and the program ends this week. Over the past year many of my friends who have been following this journey have thanked me for my honesty.  That had me doing a lot of thinking about the importance of honesty in a weight loss program. Accountability is one of the most important pieces of any weight loss program.  Weight Watchers has built an empire on it (although many members suffer a bit of embarrassment at weigh-ins).  In Lean Eating my coach looks at my photos, measurements, weight, and bodyfat percentages and it gets recorded when I finish a daily assignment or say if I did a workout or performed a habit.  I have given myself even more accountability outside the program by telling everyone I know about it and making it a part of this blog.  If I fail, everyone knows about it. What good would it have done me if I hadn't been hone

Sorry I have missed a week of updates.  Honestly, there isn't much I can say about the past two weeks that can't be consolidated nicely into one post. The dreaded family celebration of gluttony known as Thanksgiving is over.  I don't want this post to be any sort of confessional about what I ate.  As the coaching team at LE has said, "What happened last week stays in last week."  What I should remember most is how grateful I was that the weather cooperated and that I was able to make it to Chicago to see Kevin's family and what a great time I had with everyone.  If I'm going to remember the food, I'm going to remember how much I enjoyed everything and not obsess over every calorie I ate. I did make a few observations while I was away though.  My trip was a learning experience in so many ways. The observation I made is that old habits die hard and I should never automatically assume a new habit is in place.  I have spent a lifetime wolfing down la

I have been seeing this one all too often now that Christmas is approaching. My original reaction to this was to post a "Happy Holidays" status every time I saw one of these memes.  I decided to do something slightly more mature and make a somewhat rational blog post about it. I'll start by asking a simple question.  Why do you feel a need to say this? It's Merry Christmas to you.  Let me repeat that.  It's Merry Christmas to you. To you. That's just fine with me.  You can say whatever you want to say.  If Christmas is your holiday and it's the only holiday you want to celebrate, there is nothing wrong with you celebrating it. My question is why do you feel the need to enforce your holiday on everyone else? I have made posts in the pasts about why it can be uncomfortable and not always feel like a greeting of good cheer when someone gives you a greeting about a holiday you don't celebrate .   It sometimes seems to be that some Christian

I did my Lean Eating photo shoot this week.  Thank goodness I managed to push down a couple extra pounds and even three more inches.  I also did my final bodyfat test.  I'm just a little over 20% fat right now.  Too bad so much of that fat seems to reside in my lower belly. The program ends December 27.  I will likely have Kevin take a few more progress shots then when I have the final weight and measurement tallies.  Those will be the ones I will post here.  My official "after" shots were taken this weekend though.   I did my photo shoot as directed.  All went fairly well.  I had some good fitness shots.  As long as I had a tank top on, I didn't look heavy at all.  I just wish I looked a tad leaner and more defined. We had to really improvise when it came to rigging up a backdrop and trying to do these photos in a small space.  I did a bunch of outdoor ones at the barn, most of which are on my Facebook page.  These photos remind me of how f

I can't believe my time at Lean Eating is winding down. I'm trying not to panic.  Just because I still have 15 pounds, 10 inches, and another percentage or two point of bodyfat to lose doesn't mean the end of the world.  I don't need to be on this program indefinitely to lose it.  My progress is still ridiculously stalled though.  My weight is just barely nudged down.  My measurements only slightly more so. This weeks good news is that I went online last week and ordered a ridiculous amount of new clothing.  I had to.  So much of my stuff if just too big now.  I couldn't wear any of my pants.  One of my favorite dresses looked like a bathrobe.  I wasn't even sure what size to order.  I don't know what my size is anymore.  It's tough to shop online, but I have to since the online stores have more petite options and I don't have much time to go to brick-and-mortar stores anyway.  Everything I bought fit me.  I took three bags of clothing to the donat

What's my progress this week?  Nil as per usual!  I am really getting a bit frustrated that my weight refuses to budge.  I just can't get that scale or that tape measure to move.  I can't pretend that it's not my fault.  I have let my eating habits fall away a bit.  My eating habits are great maintenance habits, but currently they're not great loss habits.  I have my photo shoot in two weeks.  I accepted a long time ago that I wouldn't be triumphantly posing in a sports bra showing off my exquisitely sculpted body, but I hoped I wouldn't still look dumpy either. Relax.  Refocus.  Don't give up.  I just want to lose another six pounds before this year is up.  That's not impossible, but it does mean I need to step it up. Anyway, I don't want to sit around with another boring post about my weight and eating habits.  Today I have my hackles up and I need to get it off my chest. My gym, like most gyms, is not exactly a bastion of body love, self

I closed out October 3 pounds heavier than I wanted to be.  I think I'm looking okay.  I am not as close to where I wanted to be by now, but I look so much better than I did 10 months ago. I was hoping to have lost at least 20 pounds for my photo shoot in three weeks.  I'm thinking I'll probably by down about 17 pounds by then.  I lose pounds, inches, and bodyfat slowly.  That's something I have to accept.  It means I will have to work diligently on my own after this program is over to get to goal.  I accept that now.  I was hoping to be showing off my abs in a sports bra for this photo shoot.  I think I'll wear a nice arm-muscle-bearing tank top. It's funny.  I had a dream last night that Kevin was taking my progress pictures, as we do every month, and I was totally happy with the picture.  I looked as good as I thought I could look.  I was satisfied.  That picture was in my head when I woke up.  I remembered that dream and thought, "I really can do th

I'll start with my good news. Several years ago Land's End had a custom jeans service.  When you have a body shaped like mine, services like this are a dream come true.  When you have a fairly high waist-to-hip ratio, a poochy belly, and fairly thick thighs, all in addition to not only being short, but being shorter than your average petite inseam, you have a hard time finding clothes that fit.  It was nice to be able to order jeans cut to my measurements. Measurements is a key word here.  I really wasn't honest with mine when I ordered those jeans.  They were more about what I thought they were, or should be, rather than what they actually were.  When I received my new jeans, they were rather snug.  They weren't impossible to put on, but they weren't all that comfortable.  I kept them partially because they were non-refundable, and partially because I thought they would inspire me to lose weight.  They could be my measure of progress. I wore them regardless of

Wow.  Forty weeks seems like a really long time doesn't it? Yet this year and this program keep flying by.   With my weight and measurements still stuck in the same place this week, I'm still feeling a bit discouraged.  I had a weight goal for the month that I probably will not meet.  I thought I ate well this week despite last weekend's high school reunion-related meals.  It just goes to show you that there is no magic formula.  You can do everything "right" and still your body is going to respond to it in its own way and it's own time. So I am thinking a lot about how I plan to push forward into the future.  I really have to continue to adjust my expectations, my mindset, and my plan.   I was reading my Lean Eating lesson earlier this week that talks about establishing a "fit identity".  We all have an internal struggle inside of us.  There is the fit person who will do what it takes to take charge of her health and wellness and an unfit pers

I'm holding steady with both weights and measurements this week.  Slowly I'm making my way down.  I can still say I'm at my lowest weight ever in 13 years. Since the fitness media fast ended I am back to reading fitness blogs again.  I suppose I shouldn't.  I read posts by healthy, smart, sassy, feminist personal trainers who talk about what it means to be healthy, fit, and strong, who say that we shouldn't pay attention to the numbers on the scale, but what we are capable of doing, who do occasionally mention their weight.  It's always a bit discouraging.  I read, "I'm 5'5" and I'm 127 pounds, or I'm 5'9 and 136 pounds" and it just makes me feel that much worse about my own accomplishments.  I feel fat.  I realize I have such a long way to go.  It drives home the point just how overweight for my height I was, and how overweight I still am, even though I have lost several pounds.  It amazes me how most smart fitness bloggers

Please stop buying into the Tea Party politics. Please stop believing the Tea Party is going to save the country. Please stop voting for Tea Party-identified candidates. The Tea Party is not on your side.  The Tea Party doesn't want to help you better yourself.  The Tea Party isn't a grassroots organization existing to make sure middle class people have to pay the smallest amount of taxes possible  The Tea Party is an organization the Koch Brothers started hatching years ago.   This isn't just something that spontaneously came about in 2009 due to the election of Obama. This is a carefully orchestrated movement by very powerful people that was meant to keep you outraged and ignorant.  The Tea Party is not your friend.  ALEC is not your friend.  The Cato Institute is not your friend. These organizations don't exist to advance you or to help you live the American dream.  They exist to keep you in your place. The Tea Party puppet masters are not job creators.  The

If you're a close follower of this blog, you may have noticed that weeks 35 and 36 are missing.  I promise I was not being lazy and I wasn't trying to hide anything.  I was practicing a new habit. For two weeks I had to do a "fitness media fast".  This meant I was not allowed to read or watch any diet or fitness related media such as blogs, magazines, TV shows, informercials (is anyone as addicted to informercials for workout programs and dumb exercise gear as I am?), websites (include the Precision Nutrition website articles) message boards (we were allowed limited time on our team message board), or even write in my own blog. During those two weeks, I broke the rules once.  I saw that my idol Krista Scott-Dixon (AKA Mistress Krista) had written a new rant on her Stumptuous website Thoughts on 40 .  I have always idolized Krista in part because she had such an amazing fit body  but also because she always seemed to have it together.  She has always gone after what