It's Time to End the "Karen" Meme

I suppose the mere fact that I am writing this blog post qualifies me as a "Karen".  That's how far this whole Karen meme has gone.

When I first saw Karen memes on social media, I assumed I missed out on some pop culture reference.  For example, I didn't know the origin of "Bye Felicia," for a long time, so I assumed "Karen" was a reference to a movie or TV show I never saw.  I have no problem admitting I'm unhip and not always current with what the kids are watching.  I had to research it.  The results were problematic to me.

I learned a "Karen" is a selfish, entitled, woman,  who makes unreasonable demands and will always ask to speak to a higher authority if not given what she wants.  The meme often includes snarky requests to "speak to the manager".  Karen is always white, and often blond with a strange or expensive haircut, and usually middle-aged.  Karen thinks she is superior to you, and she is old enough to think she has some authority over you.

I don't like overbearing, entitled, people.  Why should I let this bother me?  Don't I like seeing obnoxious people put in their place?  

There are a few reasons why I feel this meme is becoming problematic, and they don't even include the fact that I know, and am fond of, women named Karen who don't deserve to have their name dragged through the mud. 

My first complaint is that it can de-legitimize anyone who has a genuine issue.  If someone makes what most reasonable people would consider an unreasonable demand, and is hostile when she doesn't get what she wants, it would be natural to be dismissive and not take her seriously.  If she is racist, she deserves to have complaints thrown in the circular file.  My concern is if someone has a complaint that deserves to be taken seriously.  If a customer receives genuinely bad service, she has every right to rectify the situation.  

My fear is that we have come to a point where any adult woman who wants to address a grievance is automatically labeled a "Karen".  Millennials and Zoomers have come to the point where they enjoy making fun of Karens so much, they are unable to take a fair assessment of a situation.  It's much easier to dismiss a woman as a Karen than it is to show any empathy or respect.  How many women out there will be afraid to speak out when they have a problem because they don't want to be labeled a Karen.  Women have a hard enough time being assertive and asking for what they want.  The Karen meme has made it that much harder.

The worst part of this is the inherent sexism.  The meme is aimed at Karen and not Kevin.  There are spoiled, entitled, obnoxious, racist men out there who demand too much.  They aren't stereotyped into their own group and painted with the same brush.  Society cuts men much more slack for being difficult.  Men are expected to ask for what they want and are given more indulgence for it.  Men are tough.  If a man walks into your business and is unreasonable, you won't make fun of him.  You are more likely to be afraid of him.  

Karen reminds me of another derogatory term aimed at women.  If a woman is planning a wedding and shows outward signs of stress, asks for something extravagant, or ever lets her anger come to the surface during the process, she is called "Bridezilla".  Everything from internet forums to TV shows have turned weddings into train wrecks as viewers writhe with glee over any flaw they can find in a woman's behavior.  If she doesn't behave perfectly at her wedding the only incident guests and wedding party members will remember about the day is that one moment of stress or anger (and it will be retold in Reddit and reprinted in Buzzfeed for all eternity). 

Another troubling aspect of the Karen meme is the ageism.  Karen isn't a righteously outraged twentysomething.  She is middle-aged.  She is out of touch with the younger generation.  She isn't you.  She is your mother.  She is someone's mother.  "Really Karen," is the Gen-X equivalent of "Okay Boomer." 

Whatever way our society can try to regulate women's behavior and shame her for not acting in accordance with some unknown and undefined standard, we will do it.  Karen is just another in a long series of ways we try to silence women who want to speak out.  Difficult people exist, but when we try to lump them all into one stereotype, we end up de-legitimizing voices that often need to be heard.